I am so sorry..... for your pain....I feel it myself....for you... for me....for all the DIDer's.....

to answer your question.... though... is hard for me.. "THE WHY"....

I ended up calling my T... and going back into therapy....

my T... agreed to transition my son to another therapist... and my son agreed with it...

sharing my T... was disrubtive to my "system"...

so I too... took the "brunt"...from my "system".....

so... the "why" therapy...for me... it helps me cope.. with the great huge amount of pain within me... so that it doesn't "ooze" out in ways that I don't want it too... kinda... helps "contain" the pain...

I searched for this T.... about 14 months ago... because I knew.. I needed long term therapy... the kind they call "case management" around here...

I decided... at that time.... that my "goal"..... was not integration... that it was to make my life as comfortable as possible...

and... I reminded my T.... recently... when I went back... that was the "GOAL"..... not integration... which causes me disrubtion....to my "system"....

sooo... I am not sure.... that I am in "DID".... therapy.... but I am in "pain management".....therapy..