I hate prefaces but I think this needs one. I'm intentionally leaving a lot of things out for the sake of privacy. I hope you can still understand what I'm talking about.

I thought I was straight. I wondered a bit in high school, but I had crushes on girls and not boys. I wondered because I wasn't into sports and I didn't have that crazy horniness that teen boys tend to have. I was excited about the possibility of kissing and holding a girl. However, because of my religious beliefs, I felt then and I still feel now, I shouldn't have sex with anyone but my wife.

College was tough. I was pretty lonely. There were girls that loved to talk to me. There was one, Farah, who I was madly in love with. Luckily she liked me too and we hung out for awhile but she shared my beliefs. We talked a lot. We even talked about getting married. But it fell apart because she wanted to be with a doctor and I wanted to be a teacher.

I've had some relationships since then, all with girls. There was a girl that I was passionate about, Lyla. She had an adventurous personality. Once she told me on the phone that I was making her wet. It was exciting and validating.But ultimately, we were just too different.

Lately something strange has been happening. Fantasies about being with a man are arousing to me, even though they never were before. At first, I was just thinking about a threesome with one girl and one guy. But then I started fantasizing about just screwing a guy. Yet, I haven't had a crush on a guy. I've known some gay men and I haven't desired them.

To be honest, I am homophobic. I hate to say that, but I am. I support same sex marriage and full gay rights. But the idea of me being gay or bisexual is uncomfortable and troubling to me. Also, I mentioned religious beliefs. A gay man or woman can be out in my religious community but it's not easy.

In summary I have a couple questions. Can you be a straight man with gay fantasies and nothing more? If you think you're bisexual, is it a problem if you don't tell anyone about same-sex attraction except your partner? Also, how much can you really know about what you want sexually if you're committed to abstinence?