I feel like I've tried to post this here before, or maybe I started to and then deleted it.

My uncle (bio father's only brother) has been trying to contact me for a while. He just called while I was cleaning and I didn't hear the phone ring so I missed him, thank goodness.

Here's the back story:

This uncle has always been very dramatic and histrionic. Also, my father and I are estranged; I have no contact with him nor do I want it. He was incredibly abusive, both physically and emotionally my entire life. He is part of the reason I have PTSD. He is very controlling and, I suspect, NPD, or at least traits. I am also no contact with my brother, the middle child, as he was a drug addict for most of my childhood and well into his mid 20s, and he was physically abusive to me. My eldest brother and I have a very strained relationship because of his wife and how she has encouraged him to treat his family poorly. I do not mourn these relationships. I lived too long letting toxic people have a hold on my life, and now I just say they are what they are, and that's it. Yes, I would have liked to have a brother who didn't threaten to kill me and beat me. No, I don't love him. If he dies and someone needs to plan the funeral, I would deal with that as a family member. I can give that much respect and compassion. Same with my father. He's just a monster who donated sperm, in my opinion.

Anyhow, back to the uncle. My whole life this uncle has feigned a relationship with us kids. I had very little contact with him until I was an adult, and then he has tried to make it like we have been very close. Nothing is further from the truth. I have witnessed how he gossips and lies and turns nothing into drama and I never wanted any part of that. A few years ago, my eldest brother and I had a disagreement. I refused to discuss it with my uncle, but he had my brother's version, and he told it to our grandmother, who didn't have much longer to live. This made her very distraught that my brother and I were not talking at the time. I repeatedly told my uncle that I would not discuss it and he needed to butt out, it was none of his business. His response was "well, what will I tell grandma?!" And I said NOTHING! It's none of her business either. You need to let us resolve it, stay out of it, and stop picking sides. Well, he didn't stay out of it, and my grandmother believed my brother's side, even though he was lying, and nearly disowned me. My father, even though he is a monster, actually butted in at this time and told his mother what really happened, since he was there, and my grandmother apologized to me and felt terrible. My uncle apologized but blamed it on me because I wouldn't gossip about it to him. I told him it was his fault for not keeping his nose out of something that didn't involve him in the slightest.

Of course all through this disagreement everyone was telling me to be the bigger person and just forgive my brother and let everything go back to normal. I'm really super tired of people thinking that letting someone abuse you is being the bigger person. **** that.

So when I got very ill with my PTSD, unfortunately the only person I had to turn to was my father. And in my very ill state, I allowed him to "help." Which turned out to be trying to control all of my life, even attempting to take control of my finances and medical care (which I refused to allow him control of). He attempted to control all of my decisions, and surprise, surprise, I got much, much worse. Why? Because this controlling behavior was just like the abusive, controlling behavior from my childhood and the reason why I was ill in the first place.

We had a falling out and I no longer talk to my father. His love is conditional, and dependent on people allowing him to control them. I could go on and on about his abuse, but that's not the focus of this story.

Back to my uncle...so my uncle has tried numerous times, in conversations that I'm guilted into having, to get me to talk to my father. I tried once, decided it was pointless after that.

Shortly after I was laid off in July 2018, my uncle got very ill. He has had diabetes for a long time, he's obese, was born with a heart defect, and has never cared to manage his diet or his health. He has been on disability almost his entire life. Now he's in his 60s and it will convert to regular social security soon. Okay, wait, a little more back story on the uncle. So he lives on SSDI, has no other savings. When my grandmother died, he got an inheritance and blew it on buying a 3 bedroom condo large condo in a very expensive area (he has no friends that really come visit and no family of his own) and also bought a SECOND car that is an expensive sports car. I presume he paid cash because his credit sucks.

Okay, so he got sick, fell, broke his leg. Was told to do certain things to recover and heal his leg or he would lose it. Well, guess what? He didn't follow doctor's orders, and lost his leg in January. He's been in a rehab facility since then. He has no savings or insurance other than like Medicare, so he had to wait until my father sold ALL his assets to afford a prosthetic and start rehab. Of course, they did an estate sale and it didn't raise a lot of money because it was an estate sale. He seemed to expect that it would make a lot of money. Yeah...he's histrionic and narcissistic like my father, so, of course, he can't tune into reality. The condo went on the market as did both of his vehicles so he could afford to be put into and assisted living facility. I have compassion for him but not a lot of empathy. He did this to himself. He had a lot of chances and ability to put himself in a different position. So empathy? No. Compassion? Sure.

So, now, he has called a few times in the past few months to try and get a hold of me. He hasn't spoken to me in over a year since he originally got sick, so he hadn't bothered to call since well before that. He has no clue that I lost my job, went back on SSDI, had an incredibly difficult time of my own that I was dealing with. That my depression sunk to a new low...he doesn't know any of that. Why? Because he doesn't really care.

Anyways, he keeps calling, and I don't answer, because I don't want to give him information to then share with my father. I don't want my father to have any information about me. The first time he texted, he updated me on his situation, and said we need to catch up and he wants to know what's going on in my life. I responded that I'm sorry to hear what all he's going through, and that things in my life are going, and that's all. I refused to give any details.

Then a few days later he called while in the middle of the work day, so I couldn't respond. He must have tried me and both of my brothers because not an hour later, I got a nasty email from my father, that was addressed to me and both of my brothers that we are ungrateful, cruel people and we need to have some compassion, and that we've always meant the world to our uncle and he's always been there for us (I'm like wtf are you talking about). He says he's not writing the email to shame us but...Um, yeah, that's exactly why he wrote it. I did not respond, and also decided not to call my uncle back, even though before receiving my father's email, I was contemplating how I could handle a conversation with my uncle that did not kill my mental health.

So a few minutes ago I received a call from my uncle that I honestly just missed because I was cleaning and the phone is on vibrate. His voice mail is just an update on his condition and a happy 4th of July. I am debating about what to do. Frankly, I do not like this man. The only reason I feel compelled to do anything is because he is "family." But I also do have compassion, he is losing his eyesight on top of everything. He has no one, really. I feel like I could at least stomach a conversation. But I will not have a conversation with him where he does his typical interrogation of things about my life.

So...what do I do?