Quote:
Originally Posted by divine1966
I talked to my therapist about how to deal with toxic or simply very difficult relatives (as I have that issue too in a way). She said that estrangement is perfectly fine way when communication is detrimental to you in many ways.
But then estrangement isn’t always possible and isn’t even always desirable
For those cases she advised to keep interactions and communication to a minimum.
You determine what that minimum is. For example come over for 30 minutes visits only. Keep phone conversations short, if conversation goes over what you determine sufficient then you excuse yourself. If phone conversations are upsetting use strictly texts or emails etc You choose what works. Even if you need to provide some care/assistance to such people, you can come over and help out, then leave.
Etc It’s been actually working better for me since.
In your situation you might not have to call back as he isn’t part of your life in a sense. But then again he is dying.
You could call and keep it short. Focus on talking about his health. If you want to tell him how you are doing tell him you have great new job that involves traveling. You can tell what you want to tell or you can tell nothing.
If he insists on asking you things tell him you got to go and you’ll call him later (if you think you might). Change topic or stop conversation immediately. Might not have to hang up per se but inform him that you have to go back to work.
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Okay, so I guess I can set a timer and also just say that I have a work thing to go to but didn't want to leave him hanging. I like whomever suggested just saying work is the same old same old. And just that it's fine, no details. If he asks about the new car, I will just say I traded in for the same car payment I was already paying so it didn't cost me anything (it didn't). Part of the thing here is I don't want them to know I have any money. Financial stuff is kind of a thing in my family, and I don't want any accusations or requests or whatever. It's not like I have money to spare anyhow. I am making money but I'm paying off a huge amount of past medical debt, so I really don't have a whole lot to spare.
Sigh...I can try to make time for this at some point this week, I think. I guess I will just keep him talking about himself. And if he brings up any family I will just say I would prefer not to discuss other people. And if he continues, I will just say "if that's what you want to talk about then I will have to get off the phone now. If you'd like to discuss something else we can keep chatting."
Ug...it's just so hard to not react and not get swept up in the emotional manipulation.
Seesaw