Hi Miguel's Mom.
Everything seems overwhelming at the moment. You're too exhausted to even get your meds. This is no time to make any major decisions. In fact, I'd stop trying to think things through, if you can.

You're not well, and your mind will come up with weird conclusions, such as thinking your family would be better off without you. I've seen the effect of suicide on the people left behind. Basically, they will be destroyed. Especially family members. They will never be happy again.

Try to focus on getting your mind back into s healthier state, where you aren't blaming yourself, and being so harsh with yourself.

This sounds like a loving family.

You can get through this!