Hi. I feel your pain on the controlling, conditional father. I had the same problem with mine. You were only "worthy" if you were doing what he said and thought what he thought. Gossip/gossipers. If there is ONE thing I HATE in life, it is those people. They have nothing better in life to do than start trouble for others. I have personally been the victim of this twice in my life and from then on I have reacted rather violently about it. As far as "bigger person"? In certain circumstances, yes. But when the person in question is forcing you to take the high road because of crap they keep pulling, NO. As far as being a dying person, I have a childhood friend that for whatever reason won't talk to us anymore. None of us know why...but she avoids us. We were the "five musketeers" when we were young. She has had one round of breast cancer treatment and we are all concerned, but she will not call us back or talk to us. So, yes, we miss her and still love her, but she is ALONE, or so it seems, by CHOICE.
So, I don't think you should feel bad about yourself. You have shouldered a lot of garbage from others for quite a long time, so breathe, and make decisions for yourself.