I rarely write about my sessions but our most recent has me a bit overwrought and I won’t seem to process it in my journal. I wanted to talk about my urges to self-harm, which are a source of confusion and pain for me. Whenever I discuss it with T, he is very accepting of the urges and of my feelings about them, but I never seem to feel like he “gets it” enough.

I don’t know what I want from him: sympathy? To describe my experience is so I know he understands?

I think because I get frustrated during these conversations, he is very careful to not jump in and direct the conversation too much for fear of aggravating me, but I experience that as creating distance and not caring.

Obviously I will discuss this next time and we will probably resolve it as we always do. But it is so frustrating to not be able to connect (or to FEEL connected, probably) with him on this thing that gives me the most shame.