I'm sorry you feel that way, it is a lot to handle. Allow yourself to be sad, thats how you'll get through this. Things won't be better if you are gone, you are just having a hard time right now and thats OK. You want to see your son graduate and attend your sister's wedding like you said. I'm glad you posted this cause I was feeling down myself. If you were gone, I wouldn't have read your thread and felt better, so thank you. You just helped save my life and now I hope I helped to save yours.