Quote:
Originally Posted by SparkySmart
This is not exactly related...but...last year my little dog (Sparky) died. When I returned to work and told people, they said, "Oh no! How sad! I've been through that, too! Did I tell you how awful it was when my dog/cat/turtle/snake died?" And then I sat, bug-eyed and stunned, while they described their experience in agonizing detail and I tried to appear to comfort them. Oh please oh please oh please shut up. Can't you tell I'm grieving? Please just give me some room here.
I had a friend years ago who would listen and only speak to clarify points, like, "So I think you said XYZ. Is that what you were saying?" Gosh. It made me feel so...so cared for and understood somehow.
|
I think it's related. And insightful too because perhaps part of the reason why I don't like "you're not alone" is because it often turns into the "listener" taking over the conversation and making it (at least somewhat) about themselves. It sounds to me like in your example that those people just contributed more sadness, telling more sad stories and not really focusing on what they could have done to comfort you, even if in their heads they were trying to. It seems like it's this natural human response to automatically think about similar experiences in their lives in order to comfort someone. Which I can understand how that could help with empathy and it's probably human nature to attempt to relate to others. But sometimes people just get too caught up in their own past experiences I guess.
I wish I could have been there to offer some comfort after your dog died! I hope you have been able to do some healing since then
