I am so sorry... I haven't been reading the other forums ....and was unaware of the total... disrubtion of your "system"..

You know I care deeply about you... and all fellow DIDer's...

I am so very proud of you.... that you are able to bring your "system" back together... it is not an easy task...

It sounds like the last few days have been really horrible for you.. and I am so sorry.....

I have been there too.. and know the the pain... and the disruption.. and just the everything that goes with such an event...

Yes... for me... I made the decsion... when I began with this T... that I wanted "case management"... "pain management"... and that was IT...

My previous T... could not ....... DID... in any shape or form... she was not equiped.... so for 4 years with her... it was constant disrubtion of my "system"... you see she did not believe in DID... I went to her.. because it was what I could afford... at the time... no insurance.. and a sliding fee....

I have been in therapy for 23 years... yes a very long time... but. thru divorce.. and child rearing.. and just the up's and down's of managing a child.. a demanding career... parents that had abused me... an ex-husband that abused me.. and continued to threaten my life...... thru... life... gave me the support I needed.. to "perform"... as I now call it..I didn't have anyone else in my life for support.. my T was always.. the only one...

To be a good parent... to take care of my parents... not ever for me.. but so that I could be "there" for other people... be their care takers..

Now... is for... me.... because for the first time in my life... I want to not "take care of someone"..... I have been my Mom's.. caretaker from probably... always.....until her death.. about 4 years ago...

So... when I searched out this therapist.. I was specific... he is very good... he has worked with DID.. and for a long time...

BUT... and here is the big BUT....

When I started.. I told him... what I wanted... and somehow... thru these months... we strayed in therapy.. either thru my alters or thru him.. I am not sure... or maybe the combo...

So...I have reminded... alters and him... the goal of therapy... the "case management"....to learn to live life... within the parameters of what I have.... what skills I have... that I do not want to climb Mt Everest.... that I do not want my "system" disrubted again...

My pdoc.. I see every 6 weeks... and have seen him for about 7 years... I spelled out what I wanted from him... too... that I was done.. trying to be.. what I could not be...

That it was OK... to not go back to my former career... that I did not want to... try.. and try... and try... to do that..

That I wanted to take what was on... my skill plate today... and figure a life out from that...

where before... I would say... I want to do XYZ... and then try to change to do that... and the XYZ - was simliar to climbing Mt Everest.... impossible.. almost..

sorting thru all the layers... was MT Everest ... to me...and I don't want to do this.. and I am firm... that my T.. and I stick to this...

my friend of 27 years... thru the past couple of months... has finally changed her viewpoint.... she now accepts me.. for me... she accepts... what I can do... rather that what she expects that I should be able to do... she does not know about the DID.. though she knows about the rest of my life...

so... this is just my opinion... my viewpoint of what I want from thearpy....

for all other DIDer's... no therapy... or... DID therapy... is OK...

I think it is a very individual choice..... very individual...

I think it depends.. on many factores... how many supportive people you have in life around you... finances.... what you want in life... at what stage you are in your life cycle...

all of the above and more... factor into the whole therapy... thing.....

so please all DIDer's here... I am just sharing my thoughts... and my feelings with you...

just to share..... nothing more.... these are very personal feelings.. that I choose to share... because I know you all care....