You know what? That's oh so common! To make matters worse, if your nutritional counselor hasn't told you this already, the refeeding process doesn't put weight on you all over -- it all hits in the belly at first, and takes a few months to redistribute. (That's another reason it's good to have nutritional counseling as well as a doctor and a therapist as part of your treatment.)

I'm with you 150% -- except for the fear part. I'm at the point in refeeding where I can't stand to live in my body, it's too disgusting. I WANT to relapse -- but have not done so.

The best thing you can do for yourself right now is to know that you're not alone. This is part of recovering from an ED. Check out support groups in your area, because that will really help you. Even if you don't think you need the support, just hearing your own feelings come out of someone else's mouth will help.

Be well.