It's just lonely spending most if not all my time I'm not at work or in school alone. My family (what's left anyway) has nothing to give for emotional support or anything like that and unless I have a practical question, I shouldn't approach them. So if I'm upset about something, I'm often alone.

I don't know how to approach people who could be friends. I wouldn't know what to say if I were the one to approach them. I never feel like I have enough free time to ask people to hang out. And there's only so much I want to socialize anyway, and a lot of that is spent being drug to parties of my significant other's friends and acquaintances. I'm bored and lonely at most parties.

It's not like I'm against doing anything alone. I like writing and playing video games so I do like having time alone. It's just when it's with everything, most of the time that it gets old. It's like when you see/do something cool or you have something you want to share and then realize there's no one around so you just have the conversation in your head. Or you realize no one you can share it with is going to care.

And no, I'm not the type to go to a movie or out to eat by myself (unless I have to). The enjoyable part isn't the event itself, it's interacting with a living breathing person.

I used to have something like imaginary friends to try to fill that gap when I had absolutely no one. This was even as an adult. Obviously, I knew they weren't real in any way, but it at least gave me the outlet to talk to someone and share my thoughts.

And I don't think it would matter if I DID have friends (if I even knew how to make and keep friends, which I don't). Nothing is going to fill the void within me. No amount of love is ever going to make me feel loved. No amount of care or interest is going to make me feel cared for. No amount of adoration or whatever you can think of is going to make me feel whole. I've been trying for years to just accept feeling empty/lonely/bored, but it's difficult. I wonder if everyone else feels like this?

There's just nothing in life to keep me stimulated enough intellectually and creatively. There's nothing to give me the feeling of connectedness with other human beings. Even if interactions are fun, they're empty. How does anyone else get fulfillment in life? Do they all just have fewer needs than me?