But that doesn't answer my question. Do I deserve this fate, PTSD or whatever, and all? Or don't I?

Does an inmate deserve to suffer with PTSD because he put himself in prison by poor choices? If yes, that means that mental illness/suffering is just, and is an unspoken part of sentencing, anything that happens inside to cause PTSD, that, too, is an unspoken part of the sentence you deserve, and once you're released, you will be a pariah for the rest of your life--because you deserved it. Shouldn't have done the crime if you can't do the time, right? You have zero expectation of help because you put yourself there.

If no, then that means that our level of civilization has fallen to barbarism and utter hypocrisy. Doestoyevsky said, "You can judge the level of civilization within a society by the manner in which they treat their prisoners." What does that say about us?

My problem(?) is, I intrinsically feel that I deserve my suffering, and when I am enraged, I tend to lash out at myself physically to specifically cause more pain and suffering because that is what I deserve. I don't care that I leave bruises. I hate myself that much. And even when I cannot fathom the cause of failure, my brain will go over each aspect of the cause of failure looking for some way in which it was my fault, because it's still my fault that I put myself in this position, and it's a part of my Pattern that I am trapped in with no way out due to the choices I made when my brain hadn't even finished growing. If I deserve it, does that not negate my right to call for, and expect, help?

And is it CPTSD? Or PTSD? Because the former usually only occurs in people with no mental illness history, according to that link. Or does it even matter anymore? At this point, I'm not sure I care. Maybe I should just resign myself to it because it's part of my fate.

Sorry, I don't mean to trigger anyone. I hope I didn't...