If I'm honest, sometimes I DO do certain things for attention.

I think we've all heard the phrase, "Oh, he/she is just doing it for attention." I get what they mean, but I hate this phrase. It's as if needing/wanting attention is shameful. Ummm... we're human beings! Humans are generally social creatures. We NEED attention.

Here's where I understand that "just doing it for attention" is not healthy... when someone is doing something like self-harming just for the attention. Yes we deserve and need attention, but of course self-harming is not a healthy way to go about getting it and I certainly do not condone or recommend it.

I'm just saying that in the past, yes, I have self-harmed because I wanted someone to notice and "take care of me." Now, not ALL the time. Plenty of times I genuinely did it in attempt to numb emotional pain and did not want anyone to know. But other times I DID want (certain) people to notice. People I wanted to take care of me and nurture me. To see my pain. (Again, I know there are other, healthier ways to go about getting these needs met, but just being honest about my past habits). And I see this with some of my other friends who have BPD. One of them has a provider at her local urgent care center that she's obsessed with an attached to. I'm pretty sure a big part of the reason she has been SH'ing lately is because she knows she can go see this person at urgent care to get stitches. One time she even asked me to come to her appointment to get her stitches out just so I could meet this person.

And of course this attention-seeking behavior can be done in other ways. Crying in groups and being "overly dramatic." Telling "war stories" of their past abuse, or "poor me" stories. Some people might even fake panic attacks. Now, I will say that thinking of these people doing these things in this way really frustrates me and makes me angry. Why? I think partly because I know that I've done similar things in the past and still have a lot of urges to. But I hold back because I feel a lot of shame around it. People make it seem like "just doing it for attention" is this horrible, shameful thing. And again, I know it's not healthy to get those needs met in the ways I described above, but I wish we could move away from viewing having needs as being a bad/shameful thing and focus more on what we can do to help these people, including me, get their needs met in healthier ways instead of shaming them for their actions. I don't think that's helpful. For me, as someone who experienced a lot of emotional neglect as a child and missed out on having a LOT of my childhood emotional needs met, I think it makes perfect sense that I would have these particular needs that I have, which perhaps are greater than the general population who does not have BPD.

Behind the actions that some people "just do for attention" is a lot of pain and hurt and unmet needs that we deserve to get met. So I've been trying to keep that in mind lately when I see other people doing this, because it does still get me upset sometimes (also maybe part of the reason I get upset is because I see the attention get turned away from me... for example, if a person is crying in a group therapy session and I see a therapist go over to comfort them, I get jealous that that other person is getting the comfort that I want and need... What if there's not enough nurture left over for me?

I'm not sure what I'm hoping to get out of this post. Maybe I just want some validation that I'm not a bad person for sometimes "doing things for attention" or even just having the urge to. Again, not condoning behavior that's counter-productive to treatment or getting well, but just recognizing a pattern and trying not to shame people for it. Trying to keep in mind the pain that that person is probably experiencing, and thinking about new, healthier ways to get those needs met.

Anyone have any thoughts on this? Thanks.