May respond more to certain posts later (I was out for a few hours doing real-life stuff with H and D!). But just wanted to talk about why I post here.

So, it helps me to type stuff out, but also to share it. (Like, I don't find just writing in a journal to be as helpful.) I'm not sure why I want to share it as well--it applies to sharing with ex-T, ex-MC, current T, on here, with others in my life, etc. I think it's partly because my mom insisted (and continues to insist) on so much secrecy, especially around mental health things. So it feels freeing in a way to be able to talk about this stuff with people, even if anonymously.

Also, when I was first struggling with transference for my former marriage counselor, I felt very alone. I discovered Attachment Girl's "Tales of a Boundary Ninja" blog, talking about her experience with transference, and it helped immensely. Then I discovered this forum and felt much less alone. Maybe writing about this is partly for me, but maybe also to potentially help others who are going through something similar.

I don't see how it's macabre at all...if you see it that way, then...just don't read it? I know I'm opening myself up to comments and criticism, but that's OK. I also am aware that no one really knows me as a person in real life (well I assume they don't! I suppose I might actually know someone on here) and they're not sitting in the room during my therapy. Plus everyone's thoughts are colored by their own experiences both in therapy and in life in general. So I take many comments with the proverbial grain of salt. There have been some great insights on here (and in other threads in which I've posted over the years). And I've gotten quite a bit out of those. There have also been some more hurtful comments, and I've done my best to accept them as someone's opinion without taking them too much to heart.

Note that I don't automatically consider any criticism of my T or how he does therapy or thoughts on my own issues in itself to be hurtful--it's more in how someone words something. The difference between saying "I'm concerned this therapist might not be the best choice for you" vs. "You're an idiot for staying with this T." Like...concern vs. more of a criticism of me as a person. Or "I'm curious as to why you give so much detail about your sessions" vs. "This is macabre."