((((((((((((Kiya))))))))))))

I so understand the upsets with the protective parts of the brain. It can be so hard and scary. I'm glad you went to your next appt though. I do think things can get better, though periodically I do go through the thought process of wondering if it will, and how long it will take.

Personally, for me, I don't think I will live to see the entire healing process. But, I do think that by continuing with my therapist, I can live better and am living better than I was before I started therapy.

Recently my therapist said that when I first started going to her, she did not realize just how much stuff we had to plow through (We are so good at hiding and keeping secrets). On top of that, my living situation is still often precarious. But though we all have so much on our plates, I do believe things can get better if we have the desire for it to get better.

Often my capability is not where I want it to be, but I do desire for things to be different.

It doesn't matter so much to me anymore (today anyway- that could change tomorrow lol) if the barriers are all down or if I have full integration or even if I get memories (well, actually, I've never really wanted to get memories ). I do think it's part of the healing process but I think all of that will come as I deal with living today and learn new ways to live with today.

Hang in there Kiya. One day at a time.