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Originally Posted by Michael2Wolves
But that doesn't answer my question. Do I deserve this fate, PTSD or whatever, and all? Or don't I?
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Does
anyone "deserve" that? Who says?
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If no, then that means that our level of civilization has fallen to barbarism and utter hypocrisy.
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Fallen? Was it ever different? As a society we just have not learned enough about human nature and how to manage it, using more knowledge about how it works. Progress on that front can be extremely slow, as you may have noticed. Does not mean that
nothing progresses.
I compare the development of knowledge of human psychology to that of the physical sciences. Before they got to the stage they are now, very similar things took place in our understanding of the physical world. Vast confusion and major controversies. Now understanding of human psychology needs comparable development. It
can happen. It seems to
be happening. In fits and starts. Very slowly.
We are working on it here.
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My problem(?) is, I intrinsically feel that I deserve my suffering, and when I am enraged, I tend to lash out at myself physically to specifically cause more pain and suffering because that is what I deserve.
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I thought lashing out at oneself was just a way to prevent the surprise that takes place when someone else does it. To anticipate so that when it happens it won't be so shocking...
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And is it CPTSD? Or PTSD?
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CPTSD happens as a result of an extended period of trauma, where the person's system is overwhelmed and cannot find a way to rebound. Typically in childhood, where coping mechanisms are not well developed. It is an inevitable part of childhood, not the child's "fault". Children are not adults. You cannot correctly expect them to be (as my mother, of course, did).
