Well... from my perspective at least... there is a fairly wide gap between feeling as though one wants to die & being able to surmount the biological imperative to survive. But then, also, perhaps the act of standing out there in the rain & the lightening simply acted as a catalyst, so to speak, for the release of pent-up emotions. I'm not a mental health professional. So I don't really know. But those are my theories with regard to your experience. Perhaps what you can take from this experience is the knowledge that you really don't want to die. You just need help to heal. I hope that you will be able to find a pathway to deep peace within...