I think it's impossible to feel satisfied in the relationship you describe where there is not enough time together.

Your statements in post # 9 above are the classic beliefs of a person who is chronically depressed. Life just doesn't seem worthwhile. No one can argue you out of believing this.

It takes an awful lot of effort for anyone to put together a life that feels rewarding. The catch is that you can't see the value of making that effort until after you make it. But, when we're depressed, we want a guarantee that effort will pay off before we will make an effort. Life won't give you any such warranty. You have to proceed on faith. If you've lost all faith, then you kind of are doomed to get nowhere.