I find relationships so complicated. There's nothing easy about it. I have a hard time vocalizing my needs, but perhaps this is due to dating someone who only wants sex and no relationship. Even still, when it comes to sex, I don't see myself as an "easy pleaser". I've never had an orgasm with a partner, only a couple men attempted to please me, but they couldn't and I eventually had to tell them to stop because it was hurting me. Receiving oral sex hurts me. Even while stimulating myself I have to stop, it simply hurts and doesn't feel good. Intercourse neither hurts me nor pleases me, but I don't like the idea of it being "halfway" where only the man is being pleasured, and I feel disgusted to just lay there as I've often did. I've tried vaginal sex with a dildo many, many times in different positions. It just does nothing for me. As for "back door" experiences, I think I'd much pursue the "back door" over vaginal intercourse. My only experience comes from vibrating butt plugs and dildos, and I have to say it's an amazing feeling, which is wonderful because most men do prefer a little "back door" action. The only downside is my arm gets tired reaching back there myself, tee hee!

Now, I did write the last paragraph with men in mind, but I do have romantic and sexual interest in women as well.

I'm not sure which response I'm looking for here. I have a feeling the only advice I can receive is to make decisions on my own based on my needs. But I worry that even though I've had a wee bit of life experience (and when I say "wee bit" I do acknowledge that I'm only 25 years old with a life ahead of me) I still don't know what I'm looking for and how to behave within a relationship. What I do know is that I'm ready to be in a relationship, I'm tired of dating upon dating, and I guess that's how you get into one, but all of my previous dating led nowhere, or worse, laying there while they do their business with no needs of mine met. I'm done with casual sex. I want a man or a woman who will love me inside and out, a person who goes into the dating pool with the intent of seeking out a relationship, not a casual fling. I need direction.

There's a problem I have of becoming extremely immature when I'm around someone I like. Some people, like the best friend I'm in love with, gets. She'll match the immaturity with her own, and I love that. There's a part of me who fears growing up and forgetting what it's like to be a kid. It doesn't make me an immature person, trust me, I know when it's appropriate and not appropriate to be goofy or immature, but that doesn't mean I want a relationship where I have to put on a show and never be my true self and always be this "adulting" being. Is it bad I want to date someone who can be the same, be an adult when it's called for and to be immature and goofy all at the same time?

I feel there is a lot I don't know about relationships. I'd like to find out more about healthy relationships and what it takes to keep it strong, as well as how to discover what makes me happy in a relationship and what standards I need to keep.