I have felt different from other people most of my life that I remember. Some of it was sensory issues I outgrew (wouldn't wear jeans until 4th grade, had to wear socks inside out). However, I very clearly remember a time in kindergarten or first grade when my teacher arranged a class game outside. I wondered why in the world other kids seemed to be having a lot of fun, but I was not having a good time at all, and I hated it. I was a loner on the playground, had a friend in elementary school, but basically she dropped me in middle school and since then, I had no friends in school. I went to a small school, graduated in a class of just over 100 students, and knew everybody. I had chats with other students (mostly over classwork since I was valedictorian), but I was never invited to parties or to do anything outside of group projects outside of school. I always had a hard time sleeping (now I only sleep well because of my med cocktail). I never can remember the names of people I meet the way other people seem to. In high school, I hated my appearance, and often felt left out of things and conversations. I had no idea what in the world was wrong with me. My sisters made friends easily. Everyone else seems to have friends. It is so depressing

When I went to university, I made my one and only good friend. She ended up becoming a vet and eventually moved to Connecticut, so I haven't seen her in years.

I don't know why in the world it is so hard for me to connect with other people and make friends. My only friends right now are my 2 sisters, and they are sort of built-in friends. I took my daughter to all the library groups from baby time through preschool and didn't click with anyone. I never clicked with anyone at church or the gym even though the people were friendly. I tried a group there of women with issues like depression but couldn't get into it. I tried playgroups when my daughter was younger, but again, never met anyone I did a thing with outside of the group meetings, and my parenting style was much different than theirs, so I quit the group. I've been in the PTO and not gotten friendly with anyone. I've gone to adult crafts at the library (usually composed of all women). I belong to 2 book clubs, like the people there but don't do anything with them outside of the meetings. I don't understand why in the world I can't seem to make a single friend I can do things with outside of a group and talk to and relate to. Everyone else seems to have friends. I can't seem to relate to most women, even other mothers, especially since I have a child with so many sensory issues.

And nowadays, with all my psych issues, I don't even know who would understand or even want to be a friend with me. What would be the point? I'd drag everything down with my problems. I recently found out a girl I graduated high school with lives and works not far from my house. Occasionally, I ate lunch with her at school. Instinct tells me I should maybe try to reach out to her on Facebook Messenger, at least get together for coffee or something and chat and see if it's possible to become friends, but I'm scared she won't like me any more. I am definitely not the same person I once was in high school (the overachiever with straight A's). My memory is just not the same and not as sharp as it was before I got on psych meds. I can't do have the stuff I did in college, things like organic chemistry, memorizing complicated biochemistry cycles. I've lost my art creativity. I lost my writing creativity.

I feel like so many of my life experiences just vary from other people so much now. Plus, I live in Texas. This state has to be one of the most conservative states in the whole United States, and my political and parenting views are much more liberal, so it's hard to relate to people that way too, if they start talking politics or parenting, and God knows what they'd think if they knew I had a mental illness. Once, somebody from the neighborhood (after a school shooting) wrote on Nextdoor that they believed everyone with a mental illness or taking a "ming-alternating" drug (by which they met a psych drug) should be on a government watch list. Everyone who responded agreed with them. How can I relate to people like that?

Can anyone else here not make friends or fit in? Did it start at an early age for you? I never had feelings that I was better & above everyone else. Even when manic, I never had feelings of grandiosity.