Quote:
Originally Posted by Miguel'smom
They wont understand. They don't even recognize I have bipolar. However that's their first excuse when it comes to my sister. Plus it looks kinda like attention seeking. Look at the big mess R made oh wait being hospitalized trumps that. I can't make them question if every conversation is going to be our last. I know what that feels like, it sucks. Then if they know will they spend the money to come all the way down here. They don't have that kind of money.
I've had chest crushing anxiety all day. I smashed my favorite glass on accident, dinner was horrible, most of the time I want to sit down and cry. My other sister came over for a little but left before R came because they don't get along (R kidnapped her and broke her arm in a rage.) R came over and we talked about her getting into school and all the things she needs to do in 4 days. My nephew's girlfriend texted asking for R to pay for the insurance on cat that they left for the boys.
My husband asked this morning if I still "feel that way" I told him yes and he said he'd put everything up but I found it without trying. So he'll need to do a better job tomorrow. He asked if he could hug me and told me "He need's me here." I told him I was trying. Staying alive is hard but I think I can do it. I'm hesitant to call my pnurse because I'm not sure this is depression. I don't have faith in meds. What if they make things worse? I don't think I can handle worse or a mixed episode right now. I wish SH was socially acceptable.
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So, who cares if they don't understand or want to understand? If they won't support you, I'm sorry to say this, then you need to cut them out of your life, even if that means you have no family left other than your husband and son. Really, it sounds like a toxic relationship with your family, one you do NOT need to be carrying on. Bipolar is a disease like diabetes and nothing to be ashamed of. You wouldn't go not treating diabetes or heart disease.
I didn't think my family would understand, but most of them make an effort. I don't think you can understand 100% unless you have been there. They didn't understand the anorexia. They didn't understand the anxiety (except to the extent they knew I was perfectionistic). They didn't seem to 100% get the depression or the sleepless nights, but honestly, when it was do or die with the eating disorder, my family stuck by me even if they didn't understand, except for my father, who told me to eat more hamburgers and have more milk shakes, which really irritated me. If I could get over it just like that, I would have. A lot of people on my mom's side of the family dealt with depression & anxiety though they thought it was overboard to take medicine for it, and I never told them I self-harmed. I don't think anyone understood the hospitalizations, except the one after bad panic disorder, due to having a guy mis-aim from the parking lot and shoot out my glass balcony door while I was sleeping (apparently, he was aiming for his girlfriend's patio door beneath my apartment). They seemed to understand and get that. Most of them didn't understand when my diagnosis changed from depression to bipolar except one of my sisters. And I really don't get why they didn't understand the eating disorder as a lot of them are very overweight themselves, which comes down to an eating disorder all the same.
When I got up the guts to tell my mom and sisters that I had been molested as a child by an uncle, they understood more (especially my middle sister who had been there at the time and my mom who remembered how vehemently we both insisted we never wanted to stay there again and the fact that my underwear had been washed due to an "accident", which apparently I never had. She remembered thinking the whole thing was odd and didn't want to leave us there but was pregnant with my youngest sister and doing the Christmas shopping. All the family agreed he was an extremely creepy man. But that took years to work up to getting the courage to tell anybody, even a therapist, pdoc, or my husband and the fact that my aunt (family by blood) covered up for him, her excuse being she was only in her early 20s at the time and plus, she claims she suddenly forgot her entire 1st marriage after divorcing him (which I don't believe in the least).