Well... as you probably already know... we here on PC cannot diagnose you. Mental health diagnosis is a job for mental health professionals. Anything any of us, here on PC, might say would more be simply a guess based on very limited information. And it would, to my mind, likely as not be wrong.

I know it can be frustrating to have the mental health professionals you see tell you that you don't have a particular diagnosis when you feel as though you must because you seem to meet all the criteria. I've always felt as though I must have had some personality disorder or something... possibly BPD. But all I've ever gotten from any of the mental health professionals I've seen is depression & anxiety. Well... that's easy...

Anyway... I guess that doesn't really answer your question. But these are my thoughts with regard to your post.