I'm sorry you encountered this difficulty. Being alone, not doing anything, has been dangerous for me in the past. Nowadays I make a conscious effort to spend time with my thoughts simply doing nothing. It's sort-of like meditation I guess, but less formal. On the other hand, part of the reason I spend as much time here on PC as I do is because it keeps me busy. I hope that, in some way, you will be able to find a path to deep peace within...