I hope I do not say the wrong thing here. I am not a very nice person, but I do like animals, and by extension, I approve of those who care about their animals (not that you need my approval). I think it is relatively normal to feel guilty after a pet dies. Since we are the ones responsible for their wellbeing throughout their lives, our brains automatically jump to the conclusion that we have failed them when they inevitably die. We look for ways we could have saved them when the reality is that we live longer than our pets. I think that is what is happening here. As for the lumps spreading really fast - I hope this does not sound callous - but it seems like perhaps that would have been easier on Ebony, if perhaps harder on you. A long, drawn out illness is not something you would have wanted for her, I'm sure.