How do I meet someone who could turn into a potential partner? I have severe social anxiety when it comes to talking to people my age and trying to be social. Especially if I'm interested in the person. I clam up, avoid eye contact, go blank inside my head, and just basically try and go invisible. It's a conditioned response and I haven't managed to tackle it yet.

Apps and dating sites don't work for me because they make me feel more awkward and I hate and suck at small talk, not to mention a high majority of people on dating apps and sites are looking for something casual. I can't even agree to meeting in person without working myself into a panic attack.

Maybe I'd be more open to something casual if I even had an inkling of experience but I don't. Never been kissed, had a boyfriend or girlfriend, or done anything sexual with anyone.

I don't like clubs and I generally am just not open to someone approaching me while I'm out an about. I'm always taken of guard and need time to mentally prep. So when I have been interested in people in the pass, it's been someone from school (like a class in college) or through work. I usual don't even realize I like a person until I've seen them around a few times because I'm so inside my head most of the times and trying to blend into the background. Once I've realized I like someone I have no social skills to fall back on to try engage with them.

What do people like to do for fun? I dunno, I just smoke tons of weed to stay afloat. Even if I was better at talking to people and whatnot, then the self doubt/loathing and low self esteem creep in. Who would really be interested in me?

Like, sure I might be a decent catch to meet someone's means, but I'm always worried that that someone will like me only so they can use me for what they want. And I know once I fall for someone, I fall HARD. How do I tell them I got like a **** load of unpacked baggage? How do I stop the crushing feeling and weight that I'm going to be alone forever and die????