I talked to H a little he thinks it's uncontrolled anxiety. He gave me an ambien to help. He thinks I need to see pnurse soon If I don't call tomorrow he will. I told him you guys want me IP and he said if it wasn't me then sure but I'll dig my heals in and fight them tooth and nail. We talked about how SH is my first defense to anything. He suggested IOP I reminded him we can't do that in august. He said he'll drive me to find a new T. I wanted to write I'm sorry I'm so ****** letter to my parents but he said no it'll morph into a suicide letter.

I can't see myself cutting my family out. It is like any other disorder but I refuse to deal with my physical issues and the fact you have to prove you're sick enough to be there bothers me because I don't feel like I need to be there. I just need the razors, sizzers, and meds up.