OMG OMG OMG

It is amazing how often lately I have felt like I was facing a wall with respect to my therapy. Just when I am ready to quit altogether (well, all right not really) I am madly in love again.

Had an awful day yesterday--lots of suicidal ideation. I was in a dissociated state most of the day and couldn't pull myself out of it. Finally, I called T and we made a phone appt for today.

Of course, today I woke up and the light was on!!!!!! (And I felt like, duh...) But we had the most wonderful and please excuse the term, therapeutic discussion.

He is so there, so willing, and even insistent on me taking the lead in my therapy. His only comments are at times to point out a conflict in what I am saying or to make a (very) occasional suggestion. Oh, and of course his interpretations.

Today he made the best suggestion in our year and half together.
He told me to pick out a book and we would read together to try and help me with my cutting. Although I am not young, we both figure that when I cut, I am. So, we are going to read together!!!!!
This is my biggest fantasy come true.

OMG, I just wish it were Rumpelstiltskin.

I love my T. Yes, I do!