kayleigh,
Dont be alarmed that you don't know what you want your major to be. It's a decision that will come in time. I can say that I picked my major, criminal justice, in undergrad b/c it sounded interesting. I wasn't sure that is what I wanted to do although I knew as a little girl that I thought I wanted to be a lawyer, good at arguing, etc. But I can tell you I was lost in college the first couple years, unsure of what I wanted out of it. But know that just b/c you major in something doesnt mean you have to actually use in life. If I learned one thing from college it was that you go through 4 years making friends that last a lifetime and maybe you find your true love, but most of all, you end 4 yrs w/ a piece of paper that says you have a bachelor's degree. College gets your foot in the door to a career or the particular job you choose. But your job trains you, etc. It is okay to be lost right now, even lonely. But know that when those 4 years are up and you look back, as I have being 2 years out, you realize the life lessons you learned. Whether it was helping a friend you just met who was too drunk to hold her own hair back while puking, you hold it back w/ the faith she'd do the same. Or its meeting a bunch of friends that you end up hanging out with and drinking and playing cards and just sitting, feeling at peace.

My point, whether you know what you want or not, relax, you are just beginnning your life as an adult and making your own decisions. Life is tough, decisions are tough. Dont be ashamed or afraid to go after what you enjoy to do, be that cooking or math or whatever but know that yes college requires you to take certain classes that absolutely suck, but hey we all have to go through them but find something you enjoy and run with it. Try new things, it's your time to experiment and find you and find out what you like.

Lastly, I dont think you are a whiner. I think that you are at a place where you dont know exactly what you want and the future which is unknown seems scary. But know that you'll find your place, maybe when you least expect it. Cherish the moments you have while in college, its more than just an educational experience.....you learn about life and on your own.

Good luck with it all, dont be scared, we all go through a lost period in our lives. It's normal....

To answer your question....Why dont I feel the reward? All I can say is you will one day, when you look back and look inside yourself and realize all that you learned and what you didnt know you learned.

Enjoy college, dont wish for adulthood or a job or career, if I can give you an advice. I just wish someone would have told me that back then....I was in too much of a hurry to grow up, I had to grow up and now I look back and wish I would have spent more time with my best friend who I met the first time I came on campus. I learned alot about myself and sometimes wish I could have changed things, been less b*^%$y, less whatever but I realize I am the way I am today b/c of that and I dont want that to change.

Heartbroken