This may sound like one of those "that should be an obvious answer" questions, and maybe I am just dumb or something. But let me explain my situation and then tell me what y'all think...

[Possible Trigger]

I have been having "passive" suicidal thoughts, such as "I wish I didn't wake up in the morning". I have also been having "active" suicidal thoughts such as researching how I could go through with it.


So, my question comes in to play with the following: I have not actually made the decision yet to go through with it, but have obtained items "in case" the urge should overcome me. I feel like I want to be ready in the event it should happen. I don't want to "change my mind" as I have in the past. So, because I "anticipate" that "urge" overcoming me at some point in the future and am "preparing" to go through with it when the "urge" does happen, does that mean I am suicidal NOW? This question haunts me because I don't know what to say if someone should ask me, "Are you suicidal?"...