I'm sorry you are struggling with this. I'm not a mental health professional. But, based on my own personal experience, I would have to say you are suicidal. And my recommendation is to not wait until someone asks you if you are suicidal, but rather to reach out, in real life, now for the help you need.

One of the factors, in determining whether or not a person is suicidal, is if they have a plan as well as the means to carry the plan out. From what you wrote, it sounds as though you have both. I have been where you are... twice. And it didn't end well either time. Please reach out, in real life, for help.