That's magical thinking, which is part of OCD (which I also have). It's partly a way to try to have control over uncontrollable things in life, like "If I do this exactly right, nothing bad will happen." When that's not really true--and the same for the opposite, if you do something a different way, it doesn't cause something bad to happen. But it's easy to think that the way our brains work.

Are you currently seeing a T? I can't recall. If so, this would be really good to discuss with them.