Ugh, so stressed and panicked this afternoon, I took 2 extra Klonopin. I have built up something of a tolerance to it, I think. Pdoc wants to change it to extended release Xanax.

My morning went OK until I decided to do my daughter’s returning student registration via the “easy” online system. The emphasis on the ease of it should have alerted me right away to stay away from it and bite the bullet and fill out the zillions of papers they hand out on school supply drop-off day. At one point, I had to call the school with a question. They were clueless and told me to call the district. I had to go over it again and again, with about 4 transfers on the phone to different people, the final one telling me she thought her answer was correct but wasn’t sure, oh but don’t worry, 9 times out of 10, the system won’t do the final submission anyway, and you will have to call the technical help number at the bottom of the email sent out to all the parents...yep. I had to call technical support. It was going on 3 hours on this “easy” submission, my daughter was still asleep and had camp starting at noon. We had to eat lunch and leave home by 11:30 not to be late...my daughter dawdled when we didn’t have time for it then grew upset driving to the camp when she realized she was going to be late, which I had been telling her repeatedly. I was so stressed out and panicky after I dropped her off. I felt like I couldn’t breathe; my heart was racing. I took my prescribed Klonopin, and it did nothing, so I took 2 more pills of it (bad, I know). I am supposed to try to stick to hydroxyzine in these situations, but it makes me sleepy, and I have to drive my daughter home from this camp without wreck8ng the car. Self-medicating is bad, I know, but sigh...the whole situation had me off balance, unable to calm down or catch a breath for over 30 minutes (and I don’t have asthma or breathing problems). Still unsure if I will mention the hypomania to the pdoc when I see him on Thursday, but I will let him know about this. I am bad at self-medicating when things in my life get me flustered or are going badly. If the hypo is worse, he will probably notice anyway. For some reason, it is very obvious in my speech patterns, even when I try to control it.