Hey Pastapixie, cute username.

Sounds like a bit of therapy to help with self-esteem so you don't feel like you "need" this fella would be good. If seeing a therapist is not an option, your local library has books on improving self-esteem you can check out with your library card.

You are smart and you are strong, don't give up, there is hope. Every long journey begins with a single step.