I am very depressed. This evening I am breaking down crying. This started last evening when my boyfriend asked "What's for dinner?" I accused him of being too demanding and not appreciating me. He is not demanding. I just get tired of caregiving. I get like this every so often. It always blows over and I get back to feeling okay. I go for spans of time feeling quite good. Then the bottom falls out.

The kitchen's a mess since yesterday. If I go clean it up, I probably will feel better. Maybe that one doctor was right who said years ago that I am bipolar. It's like I'm two different people. I feel so awful. I probably will get over it. But it keeps happening. Will I be this way for the rest of my life.

When I'm down like this, I blow up at my boyfriend beyond what is understandable.

Tomorrow I go to my PCP to ask for more pain medication. I doubt she'll agree to order me more.

I have nowhere to go but here.