One of my biggest fears is getting kicked out. So I let myself get hit way into my twenties. I didn't even know until later that it's illegal. The hitting trailed off as I got older and is now mostly emotional.

What helped me was managing to land a steady job which paid me enough to save. Reducing the fear that I would end up homeless and without resources.

And working on my issues in therapy so I could muster courage to be assertive in the face of emotional and verbal abuse. It did not stop the periodic emotional abuse, but the slight but KEY difference is I stood up for myself or I walked away rather than "giving in" out of pure fear as I used to do.

Reminding myself that I have grown and if I get hit again, I have legal options and now have a friend who's place I can crash land if I'm kicked out. Much of my therapy has been about identifying and building healthy relationships with healthy people. I never had healthy friendships before but had friends who would bully and hurt me because I had no model for healthy relationships.

Learning to "validate" my parents' frustration and anger while being assertive ("I hear you feel angry because I'm giving you less money. But I'm not accepting you calling me names.") while NOT agreeing with them (reminding myself "I am not an unfilial and selfish daughter") and having my own view (it's not OK that she's trying to guilt trip me)...I'm still working on it.

They haven't shouted at me in a while. Used to be that if I walked away when my mother shouted, she chased me to try to hit me. These days I "validate" again "I know you're feeling hurt because you feel disrespected by me." so she calms down and doesn't start hitting.

It's not easy, often it feels like I'm "swallowing" painful emotion by validating them. However according to my therapist, validating them does not mean I'm agreeing with them or need to have sympathy for them. It simply means I convey politely that I've heard what they're trying to say...And I'm still going to make choices they're angry about despite whatever their reaction.

And if their reaction is to shout or guilt trip or make threats, I state that's not acceptable and remove myself from the argument. It's difficult not to shout back when someone's shouting at you. And guilt trips are really hard to bear, so I also work on letting go of guilt that's NOT mine to carry.

And if they're reasonable and civil, I "reward" that by remaining in the conversation. If they start calling me names or making snide remarks, I state that's not OK, it's mean and hurtful and walk away.

Not sure how much sense I make. None of it is easy. Find whatever independence you can to reduce dependency (eg financial dependency) because the more resources you have, the threats will BE less scary because you now have options to leave or distance yourself and resources to survive.

Also therapy is a place where I get support and where I can grieve the emotional pain I feel, express my fear and be validated and be coached in assertiveness, receive care and generally "top up" my emotional reserves.

We work on some of the abuse in my childhood and adolescence using imagery rescripting. We work on affirming my strength, growth and resilience. We work on discovering my options.

You looking for low income housing is great.

I really hope you can find supportive people. The more social support and practical support you have, it helps you while you're still trapped with your abuser.

It's definitely not easy and my heart goes out to you.