I was reading at that transference URL that Perna suggested over in the limerance thread:
http://www.crisiscounseling.com/Arti...ansference.htm

Something written there struck a chord with me:
</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
How Can You Tell? How do you know you are having a "transference reaction"? It’s not always easy, but you probably are if you know very little about a therapist (or anyone) and you are having a powerful reaction that is not justifiable to a reasonable person.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">This is what I have been feeling off and on for several months, not toward my therapist but to another member of my divorce team. It has become a major problem for me. I know I am reacting all out of proportion to this guy's "sins" and the way he treats me. I know it but don't understand it and can't help it. I can go from 0 to 100 on the explosion meter when he says or does something I find objectionable. And usually I am a very calm and reasonable person. A part of me can look at this as an outsider and tell I am way way way overreacting. He makes me furious. I feel he lies to me, withholds critical information from me, favors my husband over me (he is supposed to be neutral), enjoys putting me in uncomfortable positions and watching me suffer, etc. I attribute all sorts of irrational and evil motives to him. In actuality, when I am with him, I think of him, objectively, as a nice guy.

I have been wondering in the back of my mind if there is a lot more going on with me and this guy than meets the eye. How else to explain my extreme reaction? Maybe it is transference, as that quote suggests. But how do I deal with it? I rarely even get to talk to this guy, how can I improve things? Is this the sort of thing to work on by myself in therapy? Last session I did drop a huge load of anger in T's office, a lot of it (but not all) directed at this guy and what I perceive that he is doing to me. I am almost ready to bail on the divorce because of him. I feel like I need to have couples therapy with this guy, just even one session. I know that sounds absurd. I don't know what to do. I suggested to T that I needed to meet with this guy to just talk about some of this (not with T present), and T seemed to think it could be helpful. But I wonder if he would agree? I would have my lawyer present too for both of our sake's.

If this is transference, what could it possibly be about? Do I need to figure this out in order to move past this? People often say stuff like, "you need to work through the transference." How do I work through the transference toward this guy? Is this a technique that my T can teach me?