Are you in the United States? Don't commit suicide, a lot can go wrong. Ask to be euthanized. I know your feelings, I really do. It's coming from someone who was injured, asphyxiated, and then emotionally and physically abused by his parents as a child. I will never have real friends or a girlfriend, I am too stupid for that. I can be a doctor (trying to) but I think I will fail due to my neurosis and brain injury combined with terrible parenting.