Still struggling with feeling, well, anything except for slightly irritable. Mostly apathetic. Drinking some coffee and went on a walk. Going to sit here until I--hopefully--get some work done. I feel a little relieved that I decided this is because I am still depressed or having a less-than-ideal response to the medication. Was feeling really down that I might feel this way forever. Well, still a little worried about it. I keep thinking I almost prefer the mood swings, but they weren't safe since I was feeling impulsive/self destructive so need to stop thinking like that. Also feeling guilty about everything again in my life. That is one of the hardest symptoms of depression for me since it makes me feel like I am a bad person who has a negative impact on others. Being personally miserable sucks, but feeling harmful to others is worse for me.

I see my doctor and start therapy next week, so hoping those things will be a step in the right direction. I haven't talked to a therapist since I stopped the CBT. At the same time, not feeling hopeful that therapy will be useful.

Thanks for this thread. I used to journal, but haven't been able to make myself do that. For some reason this is easier since it is a group of us and is really helpful for me to check in with myself.