i realised tonight that what i have been saying and doing are not sinking in with him... i had been so proud of myself... T even said he was proud of me in the voicemail he left. Now i can see that what i thot was the pinnacle of painful effort is just one of many hills i must repeatedly climb.. i am going to have to say things over and over and over... i cant do this.. i cant

please.. someone make this stop.. please

it took every fibre in me to talk to H... i cant keep having to relive it over and over... dear god.. is there no end?

so sad