Ugh, this topic hits home for me so hard. I probably shouldn't have read it based on the title, but since I have, I have a response.

I'm constantly left for my mental illness. I can see it draining the people I'm closest to, even the ones who claim they can't be drained. They change. They get more distant and cold until they either disappear or outright tell me to go away. I try SO HARD not to overwhelm people, but I have such a hard time controlling myself when I become emotional. It always seems like when I feel I've made good progress with someone, that's when they've had enough, which makes it harder to try again with someone else.

I have a similar problem with communication as you've had. People are afraid to tell me when they need space or need to tell me something that might be negative. I think they feel like I would overreact. In the moment I would probably not take it well, true, but I also understand what I do to people and so I want to respect their limits.

People give up on me so often now that I feel like not bothering. Yet, at the same time, all I want is to have people close to me. I'm tired of hurting people with this stupid disorder and thus hurting myself. Maybe I don't deserve anyone though, and if no one believes in trying when it gets too hard then I guess I'll truly be alone forever, doomed to rinse and repeat what I've been doing. Nothing will change if I can't find people willing to see through my bad sides.