Thank you all for taking the time to comment on this. I think therapy for myself to heal is the step in the right direction. I am on medication with a psych (have been for years) but I really think I need a therapists input to make my choices more concrete and to hold me accountable. My children are my world. I saw abuse in my home and for years I remember being little wishing my parents would divorce. My childrens father has refused marital counseling in the past so its prob not practical to even ask him again.