... I used to pose as a nihilist. I thought it was cool. And it WAS indeed.
As an adult, I have really become a nihilist, and it's NOT cool at all.
When THAT feeling rises, I can't value anything, no tiny part of reality. But after all I'm not even a good nihilist, or I would simply be indifferent. No, I care a lot, I am worried and anguished, I suffer.
I've not felt good in 5 weeks, not even for a minute. Depression rises for a few days sometimes. Now it has risen. I'm growing tired, very tired.

Thank you for listening