Wow. I'm no doctor, but your story sounds like classic bipolar. It's good that you're getting professional help! I think that "mania" is described by different people in different ways, and to different degrees (bipolar spectrum, so to speak). It can be way more than being the center of attention at a party, for sure. Something that I recently read was that the likelihood of having bipolar disorder is in inverse proportion to a person's insistence that s/he has it. Don't know if that's true, but it sounds to me like you're willing to investigate different possibilities and are open-minded. I would be inclined to say that you can't be held entirely responsible for your extreme behaviors, and that, in time, you'll forgive yourself and hopefully make amends with the people you've hurt. I wish you the very best as you work through this. I'm confident that you'll find answers and support. I found your story very moving, and you definitely have my admiration.

Oh...and welcome to PC!