Here's what I think. Your little girl has some disabilities that make living with her especially difficult. Because you're the one doing the day-to-day chores you have to deal with her disabilities every single day and in all the work you do. Your husband doesn't want to think she's anything other than completely normal. As long as he's doing just the fun stuff, he can ignore all the problems. And as for the things he absolutely cannot ignore, he, can just transpose them in his mind from being a problem with his "perfect" daughter to being a problem with your own shrewish behavior;

Obviously I'm not a mental health practitioner.