Hello, all.

This is something of an introduction.... perusing the forums, I think I feel most comfortable here, in a women's forum. I hope you don't mind, but I need to dump some stress! My life is good but challenging in its own ways (for me).

1. My job has changed, recently, after a retrenchment at my university and, now, instead of teaching for physics majors I am teaching a freshman seminar. I feel capable and educated in my area (physics, engineering) but not so in my day-to-day activities at work. It often leaves me unprepared, unmotivated, and in a blame situation. I'm not that bad---very kind and usually positive----but it feels that way. I live in the best place and work with the best people, and I am in a relationship that is difficult but very important to me, which makes the job ok.

2. I'm in a relationship with a married man, and though we talk frequently about feelings and spend very good time with one another (a trip soon to Europe for over a month!), I often feel very lonely and envious of his wife. And, in stressful times, I wonder his love is real or if I'm just an opportunity.

3. I often think I will die young and do think of suicide as an eventual option. This has rested with me for years, and it doesn't seem to go away.

4. I tend to feel very unworthy and undeserving, yet, at the same time, astonished when my needs are not met. It's very confusing.

5. I am in AA, which is an excellent thing! The focus is on acceptance and serenity. And, there's the added bonus that feelings and physical wellness isn't compromised that or the next day by alcohol.

Thank you.