I rarely go out or visit anyone when I'm very unwell, but when I do, I have a tendency to put on an "OK face". I can definitely smile and joke even when I feel like hell two minutes after leaving their sight. Though at my very worst, at my old job, I did start saying that I felt like hell or was "horrible" rather than giving the customary "I'm fine, and you?" responses, but I'm back to the "I'm fine" again, unless I feel really good at which time I'm "great".


I often appear differently in front of my psychiatrist than other people. For one thing, I have a love transference for him, so often act excitable in front of him. Or if I'm doing poorly, I somehow seem extra bad off when I'm with him. I think he knows this, though, so after many years he knows how to gauge my moods.