Thanks for the understanding responses.

Healingme4, your step-dad's prolonged ordeal sounds like a nightmare - worse than my and my bf's experience. Thanks for relating what you went through. It shows me things could be worse.

The apartment is a mess. I've neglected things for days. He's getting sick of being chair-bound and dependent on me for every little thing. I keep thinking lately, "How long will this go on?" Then, at the same time, I'm afraid for it to be over. I think, "What will my life be about then?" Right now I'm very important to someone. After he's gone, will I ever matter much to anyone ever again? We are into the 7th year of him being highly dependent. I guess 2011 was the last year of him generally looking after himself. 2018 will probably be the final year of his utter dependence on me. I've stuck it out this long. What's a few more months? I know I'm underestimating how bad I'll miss him when he's gone. As burdened as I feel today, the day will come when I'll wish I could relive today. I keep having crying spells. I sometimes think I'm headed for suicide when I no longer have this job to do.

If I get up and start straightening up the apt and tend to things that need my attention, I'll feel better than lying around idly, as I've done the whole morning.