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Old Jul 13, 2018, 01:31 PM
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s4ndm4n2006 s4ndm4n2006 is offline
Magnate
 
Member Since: Jul 2014
Location: limbo
Posts: 2,052
Quote:
Originally Posted by DazedandConfused254 View Post
I couldn’t have asked for a better pair of parents that a guy could ask for. Throughout my life I have considered them some of my “best friends”, and they have repeatedly expressed their wiling to help me. They have undoubtedly supported me in recent times when I’ve been recovering from an abusive social life. They stay up late to listen to me cry and vent over the phone, even if it's the middle of the night on a weekday. As a pair of very service oriented doctors they have taught me to give back to the people who have helped me, and have reinforced this lifestyle through being with me through Boy Scouts, and demonstrating this in their work and their unwavering support through my college years.

Recently I have been quite disgruntled with them because they have been issuing unwarranted advice, which I feel I have no control over. You see, I had some pretty nasty medical trauma as a kid, as a result of early developmental delays, which I eventually outgrew with time (even have medical proof), but having this past trauma still screwed up my self esteem beyond repair. Over the past year, when my anxiety took a toll on my mental health due to struggles with school and a bad job experience, the instant my parents noticed my anxiety, they now repeatedly try to discuss my medical trauma with me, and even try to force me to share this information with future coworkers when I start a career. This isn’t quite what it looks like on the surface; when I have reevaluated their intentions behind this advice, I know they are trying to protect me, yet they seem to take away my voice for my needs, thus treating me like a child who doesn’t know what he wants. I feel nothing but contempt for my medical history, I don’t remember much about my early childhood, except my trauma has just been used as an excuse for people to mistreat me and make insensitive comments. I’m 23 years old and graduated college for crying out loud! It’s like I’m constantly being reminded of my mistakes!

I have a basis now to enforce boundaries, thanks to professional counseling, and have decided on my own what kind of help and advice best suits my emotional well-being. Even though I love my parents and know they will support me like I have before, I’m terrified that their ego just won’t take my assertiveness, even though I have not spoken up about this issue yet.

How can I tell my parents that this advice is uncalled for? How can I share with them that I want to be helped differently?

No questions about my medical history, please, I only want advice for the bold question posed above.
Well after reading your post, I have to say that it's likely not going to be easy but it is possible. over time a culture of needing their advice has made it so that they are conditioned to expect that this is what the relationship dynamic is. As parents they are merely trying to continue to support you but have not been given the feedback that now that you're older, and things have changed that their role needs to change.

I am guessing sometimes what you need more than anything is a listening ear rather than advice and solutions?

I would in times when it's calm, and not in the midst of a crisis or hardship of some kind, have a talk with them outside the context of anything related to your issues. what I mean is, take them aside and explain. the critical thing here is that you do it at a point when there is no stress or crisis involved or you're apt to be too emotionally charged to get your point across rationally.

Sounds like since you seem to have a generally good relationship with them that their is a high chance they will understand what you are trying to say, given that you do it at at time when you see eye to eye the best.

I hope this helps.
Thanks for this!
DazedandConfused254