Hi everyone,

My therapist has recently been concerned that I might have bipolar disorder. She said I have something called rapid cycling. I've been referred to a local psychiatrist for evaluation, however my appointment is a long way off. I wanted to get some feedback from you about my symptoms. I understand that this is in no way a diagnosis or professional medical advice. I just need people who understand this disorder to give me feedback.

For as long as I can remember I've had these periods I've termed phases. Each phase is centered around a specific interest--more like obsession, really. I become obsessively interested in a specific topic for a period of time and then the phase ends and the interest ends completely or wanes. The phase starts with increased optimism and always a feeling that I've finally found my purpose in life. That optimism wanes as the phase progresses. I also always believe that my current obsession will lead to big things. Becoming a famous blogger, a new career path, psychic abilities. Then the phase ends and I'm back to square one. I become irritable and anxiety-ridden when anyone tries to distract me from my current obsession. I spent an entire vacation on my computer instead of outside enjoying my trip.

While I'm in a "phase" I have horrible insomnia. I will sleep less than 5 hrs per night on average. In the spring, I went 3 weeks sleeping only 2 hrs/night. It was brutal. I don't wake up well-rested though. I'm exhausted and then become wired again mid-day-evening. In the phase I also have racing thoughts and elevated heart rate. I become distracted and can't engage in favorite activities like reading. I can only focus on my current obsession. Basically I feel like I'm on speed. Like I've downed 20 caffeine pills or snorted cocaine. In the phase I end up doing things I wouldn't normally do, stealing, maxing out credit cards, converting religions, etc. It's ruining my life.

When the phase ends, it's like I finally have sobered up after being drunk. I look around and see the devastation I've caused--most often to my finances--and deeply regret my actions. But I can't stop these phases. I've tried. It's like I'm powerless against them. There's a small part of my brain that tries to rationalize my behavior, but it's overshadowed by this monster.

The phase ends and I either feel normal for a 2-week period or alternate to depression. I've been treated for depression since I was 18. I'm 37 now. My "phases" have begun to worsen with age to the point where they're seriously interfering with my work, marriage, family, and friends. I used to like these phases because they were the opposite of my depression. I thought this phases were what other people experience as happiness. After my depression, they're such a relief. But now, these phases are destroying everything.

I've been reading about bipolar disorder but manic episodes (and hypomanic episodes) seem more severe than what I'm experiencing. I have insomnia, but don't feel energized when I wake. I have optimism, but not euphoria. No hallucinations or delusions either. No increased sensory perception. I realize that bipolar is a spectrum and everyone is different. But from what I'm describing, does it sound familiar? Does it sound like bipolar disorder?

Thanks in advance!